I would like to thank everyone who commented on my last post. And I would like to apologize for not having acknowledged any of your responses in any way until now. Truthfully, I was a bit overwhelmed and unsure how to respond.

I live with the reality of G's loss every single day. It has become a part of me, and seems almost 'normal' - if anything can be called normal - to be feeling the loss all the time. Most people around me in my daily life know nothing of my loss. Even those at my office who know my brother died don't know the circumstances. They don't know how close we were. They have no idea who he was, or in most cases, even his name.

What I'm trying to say is that the comments filled with care and love, the knowledge that others also live with their own small but almost obscene reminders of loss, is comforting to me. Please don't misunderstand and think that I want anyone else to feel the horrifying pain of loss. It's just that I live with it every day and have learned to function outwardly in a world that expects me to be "over it" by now.

To know that you share even a small amount of that pain and understanding is to know that I am not alone.


Ma Ma to 3 said...

As I read your last post I just didn't know what to say or how to explain how I know what you are feeling. My father was like my best friend in the world and when he died it left a huge hole in my heart. It has been over 7 years now and the wound is just as fresh as it was back then. It eventually does get a bit easier but the sadness is always there. I cry on occasion...I know when he is here with me because I can feel his presence. It is creapy at times. But knowing that he really has never left me actually makes me feel really blessed to have loved him and known him as well as I did.

Having only known G for a few years I felt a love for him as many others did as well and still do...he was the sweetest guy you would ever meet. He would go and play with Z when no one else would and he actually seemed to enjoy it! We were all blessed with his presence as long as we had it and will be blessed with the knowledge of his tremendous love forever more.

maresi said...

Sometimes after G died, I felt like "Doesn't everyone get it?!?!? The world just can't go on like nothing happened... How can I act normal in any way???" The overwhelming, suffocating tragedies you all went through last year are enough to knock anyone completely flat. The trick is finding out the new normal for you. And I'm here for you while you do that. love you.

Chris said...

I just somehow randomly found your blog and I liked the title-because I AM an only child, and not always so thrilled by that fact. But then I read this post--just the second I'd read, and well, I had to comment.

I too feel a piece of that pain you're talking about. My mother was my best friend for my entire life. Probably too much so in some ways. But, we moved a lot and she and I always had each other when we didn't have any one else. We never went through those teenage trials and tribulations. She died 3 years, 5 months ago, and since that day a piece of me has been missing. I don't really think I'll ever NOT feel lonely again. I don't want this to be a depressing comment really--I just wanted to say--you really aren't alone with that kind of pain. And, I don't think it matters who the relationship was to know that there are some people that the world is always going to seem a little...well, wrong without. Anyway, I send my thoughts and prayers your way.

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