Dear Emmett,
It is so hard to believe you are more than two months old already. Having you around has changed our lives so deeply that it sometimes seems as though you've been with us forever. I can't imagine my life without you in it, and it's hard for me to remember what life was like before you joined us. You are the love of our lives.
The rest of your family loves you almost as much as we do, and even though they don't live nearby, you are showered with so much love. You get to see Nana & Poppy, Mimi & Pappy, and Auntie Andi & Uncle Mike as often as we can manage it. Your cousin Alli has been able to see you several times, and loves nothing more than to point at you, hug you, and try to poke your eyes out. You've been able to meet lots of your extended family too, and all your big cousins can't wait until you are big enough to play with them. You even have a cousin younger than you are! Your cousin Keaton was born one week after you, and it's going to be fun to watch you both grow up together.
Soon, you will take your first plane ride to meet more family. You and I are going to Florida in a few weeks so you can meet your cousins Henry and Maria (and their parents, too)! Your cousin Julia is coming with us (and her mom, too)! I can't wait to see all of you kids together. It seems like just yesterday that we were kids growing up together, and now we're getting together so our kids can get to know each other.
You look just like your daddy, and even strangers notice the resemblance immediately. You've looked just like him since the moment you were born. You grow and change every single day, but that resemblance is constant. This month, you started smiling constantly, and in the last couple of weeks, you started giggling. You've discovered your hands, and I often catch you holding them in front of your face and studying them. You hold your head up most of the time on your own. Until you forget yourself and it flops around and whacks one of us in the jaw. In the last couple of days you've started swinging your arms around at toys and occasionally even aiming correctly and hitting one! You coo and babble constantly, although you've been doing that almost since day one! You are one noisy, chatty baby.
Amazingly, you have been sleeping through the night every night for the last couple of weeks. And not just 5-6 hours at a time, which is considered sleeping through the night for a baby. You sleep a solid 8-9 hours in a row at night. When you wake up from naps or in the morning, it's always very pleasantly. You tend to be in a good mood when you wake up, and it takes you a while to work yourself up and start crying loud enough so we hear you and come to get you. As a result, you scoot yourself around and are usually sideways in the crib with your head jammed up against the crib rails by the time we come to get you!
Playtime is lots of fun. You love nothing more than to be read to, or talked to, or sung to. You lay on the floor and study your toys, or study my face, or your own hands. I talk and sing and read, and you grin and giggle and babble. Your favorite songs are Baa Baa Black Sheep, the Baby Bumblebee song, and the BVDs song. They make you smile almost every time.
You are a generally laid back and happy baby. Unless something's bothering you, you're ready to soak up the world. You do have bellyaches a lot and fairly often you are gassy, whiny, fussy, and generally unsettled. When you get that way, your favorite place to be is held close, belly to belly, with your face buried in my neck. But you rarely scream. Only if you're super hungry and we're getting a bottle, which takes far too long in your opinion to be ready, or if something hurts you.
Which brings us to today's two month baby checkup appointment. You had your first round of vaccines, and boy howdy did you holler. There were two injections in one thing and one injection in the other thigh, which gave you plenty of time to get seriously wound up. Your face crinkled up so tight, it looked as though you were trying to suck your whole face up through your nostrils. Then your mouth opened so wide, your face turned a hearty purple color, and you let out a scream louder than I've ever heard from you. Almost immediately, though, you lost your breath completely and went silent , and, if it's even possible, you got even purpler and your mouth opened even wider. Finally, you remember to breathe again and started screaming louder than ever.
And I'm sorry, kiddo, I really am, but you are so cute and so funny when you get all worked up and screaming. I'm sure I'll have this to apologize for later in your life, but I'll just go ahead and get a head start now. I'm sorry for all the laughing I have done and will do while you're mad and screaming in my face.
Of course, it's a little less funny (but still adorable) when it goes on for over an hour without stopping and you're inconsolable, which is what happened when you woke up from your nap a few hours after your appointment. Your poor little leg swelled up and turned bright red where you had the shot. A call to the dr to check on it, some baby tylenol, and now you're all snuggled up with your face buried in my neck as I type this. Not happy, but just whining like a sad puppy dog now, and slowly settling down.
The rest of your appointment was just checking up on your feeding, development and measurements. Everything looks great and the scale proved what we already know: you are a little piggy! At 2 months, you weight 13lbs, 5oz, and you are 23 inches long. You are average height and in the 75th percentile for weight. Your doctor had no complaints and pronounced you healthy and beautiful.
These first two months with you, Emmett, have already been magical. You have given us just the tiniest hint of what is to come, and I am so excited to help guide you through your journey. I can't wait to see what you'll do. Slow down, though, don't move too fast. Let's soak in this time together, where it's enough for you to spend your days with me, snuggling and learning and smiling and playing.
Happy two months, Emmett, my sweet boy.
Love,
Mama
Yesterday, Emmett turned 8 weeks old. He celebrated by moving into his crib in his own room. Since he arrived home, he's been sleeping in this cradle, just a couple feet away from me at night. It's a special cradle, built by Emmett's great great uncle and used by many, many family members before him, including me. I've enjoyed having him next to me, and it's just a little bit harder to fall asleep at night without him there. It brings back memories of those first two nights home from the hospital, when he was still in the NICU. His cradle sat empty and I cried myself to sleep both nights.
Now, he is only two rooms away, sleeping through the night. I blinked once and suddenly he is 8 weeks old and growing so fast I can almost watch it happen. He is taking the very first step away from total dependence on me, and he's ready. I watch him sleep in his crib, and if I squint hard, I can just about see a little boy instead of a newborn.
Emmett is growing and changing and reaching milestones perfectly. And so we tuck away the cradle for now, because Emmett is ready for his crib, just as he should be. I may not be ready, but he is!
On Friday, Emmett noticed he has hands. His fist would swing by his face, and it would catch his eye. His eyes would go in and out of focus, cross and uncross a bit, and just start to get a good look at it before it would mysteriously disappear. This repeated all afternoon, and he's still doing it. Always the right hand, though, I don't think he's figured out yet that he's got two of them. Finally today I remembered to capture it for sharing with you all, rather than keeping The Cute all to myself!
It took Emmett about a week at home to get the hang of nursing. I was tense and upset, because he wouldn't latch, and he was having a lot of trouble latching and doing a lot of screaming. He was lazy and unwilling to latch because of all the bottles he had while in the NICU. Once he got it, though, he got it. He's been good at it ever since and hasn't had any trouble latching. We even give him bottles a few times a week, and he has no trouble transitioning. He certainly gets plenty to eat, as he outgrows clothes at an alarming rate and I can just about see him grow as I watch him each day. Basically, he settled right in and hasn't looked back.
It took me a little longer. I was relieved when he started nursing well, and I relaxed quite a bit. But I still felt very unbalanced and completely without control when it came to his feeding. I don't think I am alone in this, but I felt like his eating schedule was so unpredictable, I couldn't leave the house unless it was right after he ate and we would be back in under 2 hours to make absolutely sure he wouldn't get hungry while we were out. I lacked the confidence to even consider the idea of feeding him outside our apartment.
A week or so after he became good at nursing, we introduced a bottle again, because I didn't want him not to be able to take a bottle. And he, as I already said, had no trouble transitioning back and forth. After that, I became comfortable enough to be out for one feeding, where we'd give him a bottle, and be home in plenty of time for the next feeding. That felt like such a big step.
When Emmett was 4 weeks old, we began our Christmas travel, with almost a week spent in CT for Christmas with my family, and then 4 days in PA to celebrate Christmas with them and spend New Years Eve with Mike's sister and her family. I was forced to adjust quickly, but it turned out to be fairly easy, because I was comfortable feeding him at my parents' house. I became confident enough to take him out regardless of his feeding schedule as long as we'd be at someone's house, where there was a quiet room I could take him to nurse.
This was all big progress, and his feeding schedule was becoming a bit more predictable. I was still unwilling to consider feeding him in any type of public place. I have no problem when people nurse in public, and theoretically I have no problem doing it myself. I even have a cute little nursing cover that our cousin gave me as a gift. I am just too shaky and self-conscious to try it thus far.
On Saturday, Mike and I went up to a mall about a half hour away, and planned to do some errands, have lunch, and poke around. I decided I could be comfortable enough to be out for two feedings, one bottle of breast milk pumped before we left, and one bottle of formula for the second feeding.
Toward the end of the afternoon, we were nearly ready to go, and Emmett was very hungry. I decided that since we were about ready anyway, we'd find a bathroom where I could change him, and then I'd nurse him in the car before we left, which I wasn't really comfortable with, but it seemed like the best option.
We poked around the kids' section in Nordstrom, treated ourselves to one or two adorable things for Emmett, and then used their bathroom. I found that they had a separate room inside, labeled "Mothers' Room." I looked in and found a room with three comfy armchairs, spread around the room, a large padded changing table counter, and a large sink counter area with soap and paper towels. It was well-designed and comfy, and I suddenly had the confidence to feed Emmett while we were out.
I was completely comfortable feeding him there. I sat, relaxed, fed him and changed him and he was happy and settled by the time we left.
So was I. It may sound completely silly, but that small, thoughtful addition to their ladies' room made me feel like a competent mother. Made me feel like I can do this. I can take care of Emmett anywhere, and do what I need to do, be what I need to be for him.
I still don't know that I would plop myself on a bench in the middle of a busy mall or park and nurse Emmett, but I know that I would find a way and that I can do this. I don't have to be a slave to an unpredictable feeding schedule. He will adapt, and I will adapt, and we will be just fine!
(Also: Happy Birthday, Dad!)
