mothers' room

It took Emmett about a week at home to get the hang of nursing. I was tense and upset, because he wouldn't latch, and he was having a lot of trouble latching and doing a lot of screaming. He was lazy and unwilling to latch because of all the bottles he had while in the NICU. Once he got it, though, he got it. He's been good at it ever since and hasn't had any trouble latching. We even give him bottles a few times a week, and he has no trouble transitioning. He certainly gets plenty to eat, as he outgrows clothes at an alarming rate and I can just about see him grow as I watch him each day. Basically, he settled right in and hasn't looked back.

It took me a little longer. I was relieved when he started nursing well, and I relaxed quite a bit. But I still felt very unbalanced and completely without control when it came to his feeding. I don't think I am alone in this, but I felt like his eating schedule was so unpredictable, I couldn't leave the house unless it was right after he ate and we would be back in under 2 hours to make absolutely sure he wouldn't get hungry while we were out. I lacked the confidence to even consider the idea of feeding him outside our apartment.

A week or so after he became good at nursing, we introduced a bottle again, because I didn't want him not to be able to take a bottle. And he, as I already said, had no trouble transitioning back and forth. After that, I became comfortable enough to be out for one feeding, where we'd give him a bottle, and be home in plenty of time for the next feeding. That felt like such a big step.

When Emmett was 4 weeks old, we began our Christmas travel, with almost a week spent in CT for Christmas with my family, and then 4 days in PA to celebrate Christmas with them and spend New Years Eve with Mike's sister and her family. I was forced to adjust quickly, but it turned out to be fairly easy, because I was comfortable feeding him at my parents' house. I became confident enough to take him out regardless of his feeding schedule as long as we'd be at someone's house, where there was a quiet room I could take him to nurse.

This was all big progress, and his feeding schedule was becoming a bit more predictable. I was still unwilling to consider feeding him in any type of public place. I have no problem when people nurse in public, and theoretically I have no problem doing it myself. I even have a cute little nursing cover that our cousin gave me as a gift. I am just too shaky and self-conscious to try it thus far.

On Saturday, Mike and I went up to a mall about a half hour away, and planned to do some errands, have lunch, and poke around. I decided I could be comfortable enough to be out for two feedings, one bottle of breast milk pumped before we left, and one bottle of formula for the second feeding.

Toward the end of the afternoon, we were nearly ready to go, and Emmett was very hungry. I decided that since we were about ready anyway, we'd find a bathroom where I could change him, and then I'd nurse him in the car before we left, which I wasn't really comfortable with, but it seemed like the best option.

We poked around the kids' section in Nordstrom, treated ourselves to one or two adorable things for Emmett, and then used their bathroom. I found that they had a separate room inside, labeled "Mothers' Room." I looked in and found a room with three comfy armchairs, spread around the room, a large padded changing table counter, and a large sink counter area with soap and paper towels. It was well-designed and comfy, and I suddenly had the confidence to feed Emmett while we were out.

I was completely comfortable feeding him there. I sat, relaxed, fed him and changed him and he was happy and settled by the time we left.

So was I. It may sound completely silly, but that small, thoughtful addition to their ladies' room made me feel like a competent mother. Made me feel like I can do this. I can take care of Emmett anywhere, and do what I need to do, be what I need to be for him.

I still don't know that I would plop myself on a bench in the middle of a busy mall or park and nurse Emmett, but I know that I would find a way and that I can do this. I don't have to be a slave to an unpredictable feeding schedule. He will adapt, and I will adapt, and we will be just fine!