tomorrow

Based on the fact that I started this blog as an outlet where I could write about life after the death of my brother, you would think I'd write often at this time of year. I don't know if I have in years past or not, I can't remember and the last thing I need right now is to look back in those archives.

The thing is, I do have a lot to say. I just can't seem to organize my thoughts in even a remotely coherent way. And I'd rather not face it. I'd prefer to just play with Emmett and pretend nothing is wrong. This, of course, is not healthy or productive. I know this. You probably know this. And yet, that's what I do.

Sometimes I'm not sure whether the actual anniversary week of Greg's death is harder, or if Easter week is harder. The fact is they're both difficult. Greg died Palm Sunday. His funeral was Wednesday of Holy Week. And on Easter Sunday, Mom, Dad, Mike and I went to the casino for mindless distraction, rather than face the day.

Easter week was long and difficult this year. But there was also fun and distractions and I made it through okay.

Tomorrow, it will be four years since Greg died. I'm dreading it but it's also just another damn day. He isn't any less dead today than he will be tomorrow. He's gone every day, not just on the anniversary.

At any rate, I'm thankful to be busy right now. Emmett and I are taking a mini road trip today for lunch and bonding time with some family. This weekend will be family and friends and gathering to celebrate Emmett's baptism on Sunday.

I'm thankful for Emmett, who has saved me from figuring out how to end this post. He's wailing and screeching on the floor right now, waiting for me to come get him because he's flipped onto his belly and he's unable to get back over. Would it be insensitive of me to compare him to a beached whale, given the humpback whale currently stranded on Long Island?

4 comments:

maresi said...

I love you.

Katherine said...

Wish we could be there to remember Greg together and celebrate Emmett's baptism with you this weekend. I'll be thinking of you all the time!ovis

Ashley said...

Thinking of you and your family. Do what you need to do for your own grieving. Time will help you to feel the hurt less, but it will always hurt!!! You are surrounded by such wonderful family and friends who are there for you whenever you need to lean on them!!! Heart you and sweet Emmett!!! :-)

Meredith said...

hug

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